I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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