I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
