That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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