Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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