Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
