He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
