Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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