You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
