Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
