You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
