wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
