I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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