I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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