oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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