By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Everclear isn't food dammit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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