1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
