so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
