SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
