She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.