Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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