reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
