did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
