I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
