I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
