I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
