Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
