oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
