bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
