I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
