I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
