she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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