I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
