dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
