Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
