The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
