I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
