i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its not stalking. its research.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
