grandma shit on top of the toilet
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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