the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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