So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize