Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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