I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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