Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
