You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize