Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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