I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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