areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
