Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
