just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
