you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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