every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize