Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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