Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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