I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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