Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
