I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
