it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
