dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
