I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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