so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
