im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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