babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
