talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
