she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
