Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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